house of Absurdity...

you know you live in a house full of absurdity when your ridiculous requests go totally unquestioned.

me: uhm... sweetie, i need you to do me a tiny favor.
him: what?
me: i need you to... uhm... add some... uhm... censorship strips to... uhm...[long pause here]... a picture of naked Barbie dolls.
him: send me the picture.

and just like that, it was done.

i mentioned back at the start of the year that i was stepping wayyy outside my comfort zone by making clothes for Barbie dolls. well, that was just the beginning of the absurdity.

let me pause here to point out that i am not exactly a fan of Barbie. i do, however, love love LOVEEE making stuff. so, when one of his brother's kids started carrying around an armful of Barbies, i responded in the only way i could. i knitted and sewed a bunch of tiny clothes for Barbie dolls.

naturally, this meant that i had to purchase my own Barbie dolls. a dressmaker needs models, after all. i got a "regular size" Barbie and a "curvy" one so that i could cover the full spectrum. the smaller one was actually some sort of Scientist Barbie, which i chose because i like to torment myself every now and then with reminders of what my life used to be. and, yes... my cat is sniffing Barbie. i am sure there is a hashtag for that.

where was i? oh, yes... Barbie.

so, here is my tiny fashion show in all its glory. forget the "house" of Chanel or Givenchy or Dior. they are all amateurs. allow me to introduce you to the house of Absurdity. enjoy!

i did quite a bit of sewing for dolls back in the day, but this was my first time knitting for Barbie, so i spent some time picking out the right pattern to begin with. unfortunately, i picked out a yarn that was slightly too thin, so the overalls turned out a bit... uhm... well-fitted. it almost feels like i should be asking for another censorship strip.

i went for  thicker yarns, and both ladies now had slightly-less-well-fitted overalls.

then i made a dress that seemed more appropriate for Scientist Barbie to wear when standing up in front of a room full of university students who are pretending not to be looking at nonsense on the internet while she drones on about the parts of the brain. ask me how i know.

and i made a couple tunic-style sweaters that could be worn on their own, or with pants. if memory serves, the greenish-blue sweater was loosely based on this one, and the reddish-pink one was something i made up on the go. [random aside: that designer has a ton of Barbie-sized patterns (most of them are free) available in about eleven languages on her website and on Ravelry.]

 those pants were repurposed from some old sweats, so feel free to thank me for saving the planet.

i made the template for the pants by tracing a line around each doll onto some sub-par watercolor paper that we have been trying to get rid of for years. the pants were the perfect sizes, so i made two more, this time using stretch lace of the kind that is intended to be used as the trim on tacky dresses for weddings and sweet sixteens.

they are super-adorable with these strapless dresses...

which i made from some cheap Reebok socks that i found on sale somewhere. that one sock looks a bit smaller because i tossed it in the wash to see if it would shrink... and it did.

my absolute favorite item of all was the party dress for Curvy Barbie. in a word... stunning!

then i sorted the whole lot into two piles...

placed each pile into its own little bag...

and sent them off to the kid, who was only momentarily disappointed that is was not a tin full of chocolates. this was so much better.

naturally, i forgot to include (or even photograph) one item. the party dress for Dimensionally-Challenged Barbie. now i am going to be accused of being a reverse-sizeist.

i have enough scraps of fabric and leftover bits of yarn to make clothes for an army of Barbies, so there definitely will be more to come. and i have to add that i might have been more of a fan of this franchise if Curvy Barbie existed back in my day, because she has dimensions to which i can definitely relate.

now i feel like i need to go knit or sew some more tiny things. this will not end well.

wayyy outside my comfort zone ...

i feel like i am risking ruining my carefully-curated curmudgeon character by saying this out loud, but i have been making clothes for Barbie dolls. pretty much.

you see the shocked expression on Mama Kitty's face? that is exactly how i felt when this all started.

there is a whole (long) story behind it, but i will have to save that for some other day. for now, just know that i may have officially lost what little there was left of my mind. please... send help.

on the more immediate side of life, i woke up this morning, looked out the window, and the only thing i could see was the brick wall and chimney of the building directly across the driveway from us. everything else was lost in a white haze.

it should be noted that when i talk about looking out "the window", what i mean is that i looked out the only window that is not currently frosted over with a solid sheet of ice. check out the view through the sliding glass doors. Montreal is somewhere out there... i hope.

by midday, i was super-curious as to what it looked like down at street level, so i decided to get a large pot of soup started, then take a trek out to my local yarn shop while it simmered. the yarn shop, i should point out, is literally around the corner, so it was not like i had to hitch up a team of huskies to drag me on a sled across the tundra. it is a short walk to the corner, cross a street, then walk to the middle of that block.

i even managed to talk him into going outside with me.

me: come on. we can see what the snow looks like at ground-level. and you can help me pick out colors of yarn. 

he made a face.

me: plus...plus... we can go to the bakery on the way back, and sit there sipping hot beverages while we watch the cars and people slipping around on the ice. 

he found that idea far more appealing.

then the wind began to howl again, and the snow went racing even faster sideways past the one non-frosted-over window. it was quickly decided that as i was still getting over the tail-end of a nasty cough that has been driving me bonkers for most of the past month, this may not be the best time to go venturing out into an ice storm. that almost makes sense, i guess.

he did, however, take a quick trip to the corner store to buy eggs and cat food. the eggs were needed for a bit of baking we were planning on doing later in the day, and the cat food was a sensible precaution. i am aware that my cats have me listed as an all-you-can-eat buffet in their emergency contingency plan, and i did not want them to get any ideas with this storm.

he came back in a short while later, looking completely shocked.

him: you know when you see videos on the weather channel of those really big Winter storms? the kind where the snow is blowing like a hurricane, cars are skidding all over the road, and people are slipping and falling on their butts as they try to walk? 

me: yes... ?

him: it is exactly like that outside.  

so... uhm... yeh... we are staying put for at least the next day or two.

beyond that, we live on a street that is so small and tucked out of the way that people who have lived in this area for decades usually look puzzled when we try to explain where it is. this pretty much means that it will likely be mid-week before the city remembers to come dig us out.

how am i staying sane in all of this cold, grim weather? how sweet of you to ask. i am knitting myself a sweater in a very not-me shade of orangish-yellow yarn. trust me... the photos do not fully capture the intensity of this color.

anyone who has ever met me in the flesh would know this color is wayyy outside my comfort zone. i was trying to decide between the many shades of grey in my stash. however, as it is currently the depths of Winter in a place that seems to be continuously competing to be labeled as the coldest, darkest spot on the planet, i decided to make my own sunshine.

the pattern is the Gloria sweater by Danish designer Signe Strømgaard. like i said... it is a not-me color, but i have to admit that it does look rather fetching next to my skin.