the carrot, not the stick...

 it is currently -8°C (14°F), feeling like -18°C (1­°F), as i begin. i just got through nearly dislocating my (already injured) shoulder by wrenching open a door that was frozen shut. oh… and i am battling my first head cold of the season. 

happy Winter Solstice, everyone!

what was so important that it was worth the risk of (re)injury, you ask? an agreement that cannot be broken, i respond. i was concerned that the birds and the squirrels would not realize that there was food in their special bowl, so i ventured out just long enough to brush away some of the snow and top it up with a handful of (unfrozen) food. 

selfless as it may seem, this is actually a carefully calculated investment. i developed a significant case of SAD-ness last Winter, and i ended up befriending a squirrel. my new friend started showing up every day for lunch, and i obliged by sharing my food. the problem with feeding Nature is that you end up also feeding Nature’s friends. fast-forward to the present, and we are buying raw peanuts and bird feed by the kilo. lucky for me, Nature has the coolest friends! 

i was initially afraid that feeding Nature would result in the total destruction of this Summer’s balcony garden project. turns out, Nature responds much better to the carrot, not the stick. 

i was so convinced that the squirrels would take my Wintertime offerings as an invitation to consume everything, that i planted a test-run garden in one of the window boxes. i went with plants that could withstand the cold, as it was still early in the season. enter… lettuce and nasturtiums! 

i had already accepted the likelihood of finding it uprooted the next day, and having to reconsider our plans for the transplants we had already ordered from the nursery. what happened, you ask? absolutely nothing, i respond. we harvested the larger lettuce leaves every couple-few days, and the plants kept going for several weeks, before bolting. 

and, just like that, an understanding was formed. we made a daily offering to Nature, and our plants remained undisturbed. it sounds too simple to be true, but the carrot really worked, and i rewarded their self-control by occasionally adding something special to the mix. the birds and the squirrels all seem to enjoy the petals and seeds from the zinnias. they gobbled up any flowers that fell to the ground, but they never messed with the plants. so, i might include that in the mix.

or, an occasional sweet treat, just for the squirrels. yes, i eat Honeycomb cereal. have i lost your respect for that? 

i placed sections of chicken wire on top of the soil, to discourage the squirrels from digging there, but they left everything else alone. everything, that is, except for the mini sunflower. it was downright comical having to move that one pot around, and every new location seemed to further enrage the squirrel. that poor sunflower must have done something extra-wrong in a past life.

there was also that time we took too long getting out of bed, so the squirrel let itself in to get some peanuts. i kid you not… the squirrel figured out how to open the safety latches on the cat door, and it came in for breakfast. nothing else was disturbed. the squirrel had one target, and when it had satisfied that hunger, it went right back out the kitty door. i should point out that the cat absolutely refuses to use the flap, as she enjoys the frustration of making me open and close doors at her command. so, i just shook my head in defeat and taped it shut. 

the season quickly drew to a close. the large planters were covered and neatly stacked for the Winter, and the last harvest of beans was consumed with ramen. i have gotten much better at resisting the allure of wheaty things (allergies, if you are new here), but i still indulge every now and then.  

 still, Nature kept showing up.

sometimes, it brought a date. it took weeks to finally get a shot of these two together, as the female (i assume, as she is the smaller of the two) takes off at the slightest movement. their coloring becomes slightly washed out in the Winter, and they start looking less blue, and more like silvery-violet jays.

you enjoy that meal, friend. 

i took tons of photos of this year’s garden, and i plan hope to share more of them. maybe i will do so during the SADdest part of Winter, when i need to be reminded of the existence of sunshine and warmth. 

until then, i am taking all of the precautions to avoid a relapse of last Winter. most of all, i am making plans. 

next year's balcony garden project will be the best one yet. that is, if we manage to survive the Winter… and the (literal) gangs of turkeys that have been attacking people all over the city. Montreal is wild, for real. 

mutually assured suffering...

 if i had to describe our lives together, it would be in three phrases. 

encouraging foolishness... because it was with him that i discovered that there is so much joy to be had when you allow yourself to indulge in the ridiculous things in life. 

there is always a story to tell... even in the littlest things.

but, above all else, there is the unending game of mutually assured suffering... because that is how you show you care. 

i was minding my own business, when he made the mistake of asking what i was doing, so i responded with an unsolicited lecture on the botany of nasturtium seeds.

i explained that they usually grow in clusters of three seeds...

but they may not all get pollinated or mature consistently, so you end up with some interesting groupings, which is what i was documenting when he strolled in.

have i mentioned that we are both forever-children? 

he stood there, bored out of his skull, while i went on about Mendelian Genetics... then i saw the look in his eyes. i knew that there was some form of payback to come. he picked up one of the unevenly-matured seed clusters.

him: this reminds me of the movie Basket Case. we should watch Basket Case.

me: or... we should not. that works too.

him: i just listened to your thing, so now it's my turn. we're gonna watch Basket Case.

me: you're gonna make me watch some crappy b-movie... just to get even with me for boring you with tmi about nasturtiums.

him: yep.

me: you're gonna make both of us sit through some uber-cringe movie... because of a handful of seeds. 

him: yep.

so we did. then we followed it up by watching Basket Case 2... and 3... in the same evening. i may have also added a few more British shows with lots of old people to the list of things he will be watching in the Future, when i get subjected to an unsolicited review of the life of Macho Man Randy Savage (or some equally ridiculous thing). then it is my turn to select the method of mutually assured suffering.

how commerce was invented...

this was one of the finished (but never shared) posts i mentioned. i honestly do not recall even writing it, but i am happy that i did. reading it now reminds me of a bit of (wholly unsolicited) advice i received back when i was turning thirty (really wish she was around when i turned forty). it went something like this:

your thirties are when you stop worrying about people around you, and realize that it is okay to own your own crazy. the best part is when you find yourself surrounded by people who are willing to share their crazy with you. you can sit down to laugh and talk together, each person doing their own crazy thing... and that is totally okay. 

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there are a few reasons why i make note of so many ridiculous conversations i have with the animator. sometimes it is the absurdity of what passes for adult conversation around here. sometimes it is relevant to whatever nonsense i plan to talk about. but, sometimes it is for purely preemptive purposes. i am just gathering evidence for when i i have to explain to a Judge and Jury that he had it coming. [and, just like that... i will be humming 'Cell Block Tango' for the rest of the night, which always makes him understandably concerned.]  

this time around, the provocation (nice legal term there) involved a series of conversations over three consecutive days. it began when he got off the phone with one of the people working on the series he is directing...

him: that was [beekeeper guy]. he asked if you needed more honey, so i said we were good for now. then he asked if we were using it, and i told him yes. we use it in tea and sometimes in cooking, and that you used some of it in the soap you just made.

me: oh, for fu... what did i tell you about telling people about this stuff? he's gonna think i'm some kind hippie who makes her own soap.

him: he was all excited. he loves that kind of stuff. i told him you'll trade him some of your soap for more honey.

me: great! i'm trading soap for honey. that's one step closer to smelling like patchouli and living in a commune. 

the next day...

him: i was just talking to [another animator]. he asked if we were watching anything for Halloween, so i told him we were doing werewolf movies this year.

me: uhm... ok.

him: he asked if American Werewolf in London was on the list, and i told him it was, but we'll probably skip that one because i've seen it so many times, and you watched it with me a couple times already.

me: ok.

him: then he suggested Ginger Snaps, and i told him that you refuse to watch it because it's about teenagers. i told him that you don't like stuff about teenagers and all their teenage problems and teenage drama. i told him you mostly watch stuff with old people. 

me: what the...?

him: then he joked that you probably like Matlock, so i told him that you do. and Murder She Wrote, and a bunch of British shows with old people, like Last of the Summer Wine and Dad's Army and that sort of stuff. 

me: why??? why are you telling people stuff like this about me. now they think i'm a soap-making hippie who's obsessed with old people. 

him: well... it's true, right?

then i just walked away, before i was overcome by the urge to end him. i wake up a day later, and what is the first thing he says to me?

him: i just forwarded you something that [yet another animator] sent for you. 

me: uhm...?

him: it's about dyeing yarn with mushrooms.

me: seriously... you need to stop having these conversations about me with other people?  

him: are you kidding? he was excited to share this with you. he's all about mushrooms. he goes foraging for them, and he has tons of books all about mushrooms.

me: great. so now they think that i'm a soap-making hippie who dyes yarn with mushrooms while watching shows about old people. good grief!

him: look, you gotta understand that they love that sort of stuff around here. in their eyes, you're amazing.

then he paused briefly before adding...

him: in my eyes... you're insane. 

any. day. now. already got my 'statement to the Court' ready to go and everything. 

me: Your Honor... i betcha you would have done the same!

 and, yes... i traded the beekeeper some of the soap i made (with honey from his hives) for more honey. doesn't everyone have a honey guy?

i did warn him that this was a particularly exfoliating batch, as it included a generous amount of rolled oats. i believe in a good hard scrub in the shower, or why even bother, right? just talking about homemade honey-oat soap here. 

note the difference between the freshly-cut piece (left) and the dried out bit from the edge (right). the drying will continue through the curing process (about two months), resulting in a lighter color overall.

it is hard to tell from this angle, but i made wayyy too much of the stuff. 

i had to take a break and pry my fingers away from the pastry cutter long enough to relax my hand. 

finally, it was done. seriously... what was i (over)thinking when i made this much soap? i am convinced that 'trading overstocked crazy' is how commerce was invented. prove me wrong!

you are not reading this...

i sat down one day, and tallied up all the posts i either started and never finished, or finished and never posted over the past few years. thirty-six! the number was thirty-six (because i can hear you asking). it might be thirty-seven, if you are not reading this.

as the (second) most uptight person i have ever met, i can say with complete sincerity that it is difficult to 'look on the bright side' when everything feels so... well... complicated. there were a few bright spots that i would still like to share, like this one from last year.

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i took this photo on a whim one day, and i am extremely glad i did.

we were heading out on a lengthy road trip, when we did the one thing that is required by law before getting on a Candian highway... we stopped off to get a couple Iced Capps and a box of TimBits. that is when i made a casual comment about the grapevine that had overgrown the neighboring yard. then i started squinting. something had caught my attention. do you see him?

of course, his name is Gary. 

so, we got our snacks, got back in the car, and off we went. i might have even said goodbye to Gary... just because. so long, Buddy!

four-ish hours later, we pull over at a rest stop for the only break of the long trip. the animator took off for the restrooms, while i was still climbing out of the car, struggling to regain circulation in my legs. then i almost fainted.

the animator returned shortly, only to find me sitting on a large rock, staring at the wooden fence, and shaking my head. 

him: what's the matter with you?

me: it's happening again...!

then i pointed to the snail, and we both broke out laughing. 

people getting in and out of nearby vehicles definitely thought we were insane, but they would be laughing too if they understood.

i am a card-carrying Science geek who does not believe in spirits, magic, and all that other nonsense... but i find it most fascinating that we encounter some sort of ridiculous déjà vu moment every time we go on long trips. 

like the time we were driving to an airport in NY, and got stuck behind a pickup full of chimney-sweep brushes. not exactly something you see everyday. still, there it was, in front of us for the whole drive to the airport. then we got off a plane several states away, and took a taxi to the hotel. naturally, the taxi was stuck in traffic the whole way... behind a pickup full of chimney-sweep brushes. 

so... you know... not exactly superstitious, or anything. but, willing to consider the possibility that the Matrix gets glitchy every now and then. prove me wrong!

all both of them...

did i mention that i seem to have some sort of fan club going at my dentist's office? the animator informed me of said fact... right after he stopped laughing. you should probably know that i go out of my way most days to avoid human contact. i never claimed to be problem-free. this particular day, i had asked him to call and make an appointment for me. then i heard him laughing as he came walking down the hall.

him: i started saying your name, and the receptionist got so excited, she practically screamed the last part. then she said, "oh, we know exactly who [me] is".

me: that definitely does not sound good. what did i... but probably you... do to make me so memorable at the dentist's office?

then i started to frantically review the last few times either one of us went near that building. 

him: it's not anything like that. they remember the orange sweater you were wearing last time. remember everyone kept giving you compliments about it everywhere we went that day?

me: uhm, yeh...?

him: well the receptionists are knitters, and they couldn't stop talking about it after you left. they were both practically squealing when they heard your name. 

me: good grief!

this is the garment in question, by the way. 

the pattern is "Ro" by This.Bird.Knits (on Ravelry).

the top is not even a particularly special one. it was mostly passive knitting while watching stuff. most of all, it was something i starting making one night a couple-few years ago, when my left eye started twitching because it was snowing... in April. i know!

this has become one of my most-worn handknits. i used a smooth cotton yarn that drapes really well, and feels soft and cool against the skin. i (mostly) followed the pattern, but i did add a bit of shaping for the hips... because i have them. 

of course, it has pockets! did you even need to ask?

so, now i have fans... all both of them. one knits, and the other one (mostly) crochets (which i am willing to forgive in this instance). i may have also mentioned that i like to spin and dye, so now i have an excuse to take them some of my own yarn... like these two i dyed one sleepless night. i got to test out an idea i had about creating tonal depth using a single color... and they each got a 100g hank of hand-dyed yarn. everybody wins, no?

one of dem days...

 we (sorta) made plans for a quick day trip out of town to do some Nature watching. we proceed to wake up way too late to make it worth the drive. plus, there was that other thing.

him: sweetie... can you get me some headache pills? 

so, i pulled back the blanket and climbed out of bed... and almost fell over sideways. turns out, severe sinus pressure has a habit of confusing the mechanism in your inner-ear that is vital for stuff like balance and knowing which way is up. so, i had to stumble along to the bathroom, using the wall for support and guidance... which was a lot. i returned a short while later with painkillers, which we shared.

we then scolded ourselves for doing anything so stupid as to make plans in mid-Winter, even in a mild one like this. we have accepted that it is 'one of dem days'... until April... or May.

i get that people like adventuring in the cold, but taking photos of animals from the comfort of a heated vehicle is my notion of Winter Sport... like this one. i am fairly certain it is a ring-billed gull. 

(s)he was hanging out atop a mountain of snow, watching chunks of ice float down the St. Lawrence. yes. that qualifies as a pastime. especially when it is cold, and you live in the middle of a large river. 

speaking of activities in the cold... i have been watching curling. totally unironically. well... sorta unironically. it began, naturally, with the last Winter Olympics. i (and the rest of the planet) am amused by a sport where people spend so much time yelling "SVEEEP". then the Olympics were done, and i kept on watching. not enough to qualify as a "fan", but i definitely find it fascinating, and i would be down for giving it a try.

best of all... the animator makes fun of me every time he sees me watching curling, but it always ends the same way.

him: what's that [pointing to the screen]?

me: i'm watching Matt Dunstone play Joël Retornaz at the 2024 Co-op Canadian Open. 

two hours (and many curling jokes) later...

him: wow! Dunstone really does have a special touch with the stone. and he really seems to be handling the conditions better than everyone else. they're getting tripped up by the low humidity making the ice so dry. but, man... Dunstone can put that stone right where he wants it.

then i just looked at him.

me: do you even hear yourself right now?

then we laughed for a bit. that is how we handle most days. 

he is still alive...

there i was, hurrying down the hall, reminding myself that "i need to take some photos of those Masters while there's still light". not exactly Monet, but i approve.

my home is a working Animation space. there are countless items like this... well... everywhere. however, most of that is his crap. my crap is (mostly) of the yarny variety. 

still, there we were, walking around Gotham Central Comics, and i kept coming back to these two. so, they came home with me... a day before the ban on "acquiring unnecessary crap" (which we had agreed on just days before) was to go into effect. i may have also bought an orchid right after we left the comic book store, so it is safe to say that this ban will not last very long. but, at least we are trying. 

so, there i was today... finally getting around to taking my Masters out of their boxes, and getting a closer look at them for the first time, when i made the gravest mistake.

me: sweetie... i want to take a picture with He-Man holding his sword, but i can't get it into his hand.

so, he came to have a look. less than ten seconds later, there was a snapping noise followed by...

him: oops!

my left eye started to insta-twitch. 

him: i'm just gonna take this to the studio. 

at which point, he exited the room carrying the He-Man figure... and TWO pieces of his sword. he started asking me something about a UV light and glue, but i was in a state of shock. 

he returned a short while later, proudly displaying the figure of He-Man, now brandishing his sword.

him: tada! good as new!

me: *TWITCH*

him: you can't even tell the difference... as long as you don't plan to ever take the sword from his hand.

me: *TWITCH* i was just gonna take a picture, and then put it back in the package... then never take it out again.

him: well, there has to be some way to get it back in the box with the sword in his hand. 

me: it is physically impossible to get it back in the box. *TWITCH*

i should note that he was trying especially hard not to break out laughing through this whole exchange. he has hundreds of collectible figures for all sorts of things... plus all the stuff he preordered before the ban, that keeps showing up in the mail. 

him: i have to repair parts of figures all the time. it happens. 

me: *TWITCH*

him: but i know how you are, so you're probably gonna get all stressed out because you can't stop thinking about it being broken.

me: *TWITCH*

he did offer to replace it, and i did consider letting him do so, but only for a minute or two.

him: why not just get a new one? it would be exactly the same.

me: no it won't.

him: why not?

me: because i would know. i bought them together in the comic book store where you used to hang out with your brother, and i only went with you that day because he was sick. they are mementos of that day. a new He-Man would never be the same.

luckily, i took a few shots before taking them out of the boxes. and i am glad to report that he is still alive... for now. 

knowledge is worse than vampires...

oh, yeh... i am into whittling now. trust me... i am fully aware that i need to be stopped for my own good. 

i bought some 1/8" thick, hardwood boards, and i made the mistake of asking him to cut them down to 1 1/2" wide starting blanks. 

him: why are you even whittling anything?

five minutes later...

him: did you look at those whittling videos i sent you?

i should point out that he is not really a 'splainer, but more of an enthusiastic-enabler. 

me: nope. i did not open a single one of the links.
him: why not? i'm just sharing information and knowledge. 
me: i'm starting to think that maybe knowledge is worse than vampires.
him: how so?
me: vampires wait to be invited in.

then he walked off, muttering something about 'what kind of so-called educator turns down the offer of knowledge'. but, mostly, i know that he was probably going to write that down, because seriously... that was brilliant!

this is hardly whittling. mostly, i needed to taper the edges to prevent snagging on everything. 

by the power of Grayskull...!

then came a few passes with some fine sandpaper, and a quick coat of wood wax to seal.  

it may not look like much, but they will (eventually) be used as pickup sticks and beaters. and, yes... i know how that sounds, because i am a forever-child. unfortunately, it is just bits for loom weaving. then, i started watching videos about wave stick weaving, so i had to whittle some more. 

i want to add a bit of snakeskin texture to this one, soon as i figure out how to make that happen... on my own, thank you! 

have i used any of these objects? of course not, but now i have even more crafting equipment to ignore. 

meanwhile, the animator has gotten back into painting miniatures. he has been stockpiling 3D printed models, like these ones. we tend to take things to the extreme, so the studio will most likely be acquiring a 3D printer real soon.

this is my favorite finished one so far.

next to a can of orange Crush, for scale.

i like that the head detaches from the roboty bit. i would ask what it is called or where he bought it, but then he would start talking to me about miniatures. so... pass!

best part is, now he keeps seeing the potential for "props" in every chunk of wood he sees outdoors. i have never been for walks with a hyperactive puppy... but i can imagine how it goes. 

him: ooh... we should take that one home. you could carve it into like a gnarly old dragon, and i can paint it and add some minis to make it look like an army of troll hunters are trying to take down the dragon. 

it is like staring into a mirror of absurdity. seriously, people... we both need to be stopped! 

betrayal of the corny variety...

after eighteen(ish) Summers of watching me lose my mind over the arrival of fresh corn season, my favorite animator recently confided in me that he is not a fan of the stuff. he only ate it because i cooked it. i contemplated walking out on him right then and there. however, i remembered that i still have the rest of the week of being solely responsible for litter-scooping and kitty-feeding on account of that bet i lost Saturday. so, i am still here... for now. but i am struggling to figure out how i will live with this betrayal of the corny variety. 

on the plus side, i no longer have to take him into consideration when deciding how to indulge in the best thing to come from this steamy, sweaty, allergy-assaulting time of the year. a short while later, i was trying to figure out how to make a meal from some leftover barbecued things on skewers... when inspiration struck!

this meal took all of five minutes to come together, and it may just be my new favorite way to enjoy fresh corn. it began with a quick search in the container of random sauce packets. one mini envelope of spicy instant ramen broth later, and i had the start of something amazing. i added that to boiling water and tossed in some sliced bits of previously-cooked kebab and an ear of fresh corn cut into neat rounds. 

while that simmered for a few minutes, i boiled rice noodles briefly in a separate pan, then rinsed them in cold water to stop them from getting soggy once combined with the broth. the noodles went into a bowl, topped by the contents of the broth pot, plus a few strands of cilantro and red onion slices. then i remembered all the nasturtiums in this year's balcony garden project, so i added a handful of freshly-harvested, locally-grown, organically-nurtured, sustainably-farmed, ethically-sourced, free-range nasturtium leaves to the bowl. just doing my part to save the planet.

then i sat down to eat. it was amazing! i especially enjoyed the bites with a bit of noodles, meat, and a nasturtium leaf. nasturtium leaves have a sharp, peppery bite similar to a spicy radish, but they also have the unmistakable earthy, borderline-bitter flavor of fresh dark greens. trust me... this combination was sheer culinary perfection. 

the absolute best bits, however, were those rounds of fresh, sweet corn cooked briefly in that delicious broth infused with the smoky, meaty flavors from the leftover kebabs. 

i sat there, completely enraptured by the slight pop of each plump, sweet kernel being bitten away from the cob, and in that moment, i could only feel pity for the animator whose life will never know such joy. sad.