8: the evolution of everything...

him: what are you doing?

me: some dinky puzzle that guesses your age based on the tv shows you've seen.

him: how old did it say you were?

me: twenty-five. i can live with that.

him: i'm kinda surprised, because all you watch are documentaries and knitting podcasts. i expected it to say that you were at least ninety. 

i have not settled on the method of my revenge, but i guarantee you... it will happen.

full-disclosure: this is going to sound a bit "ranty", as it concerns a recent addition to my list of 'pet peeves'. you do not want to see the whole list. trust me. let us just file this one under what i like to call curmudgeony. 

i have been watching a lot of documentaries of late, and the word "influence" tends to come up a lot in those discussions. any time a group of people came into contact with another group of people, each one tended to leave some lingering change on the other group's "traditional" way of doing things. in a word... influence.     

our art, architecture, fashion, weapons of warfare, and even the food we eat all serve as an (ever-changing) record of who we have met and where we have been. look up the history of any subject you can imagine, and you will in short order find yourself reading about what influenced it... and what influenced the influences.

change is the single-greatest common factor in the evolution of everything.

so, what does this have to do with my pet peeve, you are asking? patience, young grasshopper. i am getting to that bit.

it requires a bit of background.

there is a concept called "stranded colorwork knitting" in which you use different colors of yarn to "paint" a design. each individual stitch acts in a manner similar to an individual pixel in a digital image. the "stranded" part refers to the practice of leaving the strand of yarn that is not being used at any given point suspended at the back of the work.

take, for example, the stranded colorwork design on my Branches & Buds sweater from last year. this is the front of the knitted fabric, where you can make out the individual "pixels" in the overall motif.

while on the back of the fabric (inside the sweater), you can see where the yarns were "stranded" when not in use. there is less yellow than grey knitted on the "outside" of the design, which means that there is more yellow yarn stranded on the "inside" of the sweater. i still prefer this side of the pattern.

most modern day knitters tend to refer to all stranded colorwork as "Fair Isle knitting". however, the term "Fair Isle" technically refers to a specific style of stranded knitting, which is named after an island where said style originated.

[i found this (quick) explanation of the different styles of stranded knitting, should anyone really care about the details. ]

and, what does that have to do with history documentaries and evolution? well... that is the point of the whole thing. start looking into the background of any of the specific styles, and you will shortly find yourself reading about some culture being influenced by another culture, and the lingering effect it had on this most humble of things... their style of knitting. 

to arrive at the "style" currently associated with any art form, from any given part of the globe, they had to abandon some part of the style(s) that existed before it. this means... and here is the crazy part... they had to be open to change. total madness, i know. 

so, there i was, watching a podcast about fibery things, when the host made a comment about a knitwear designer whose work they really admire. then they hastened to add that although the designer is doing stranded colorwork, and although the designer is from Fair Isle, they (the podcaster) did not consider the work to be "real" Fair Isle knitting... because the designer did not follow all of the "traditions" that define "Fair Isle knitting". 

and THAT is when i stopped watching.

where is the pet peeve in all of that, you are wondering? well, it is more of a concept than an actual "thing". in the effort to "honor" and "preserve" all sorts of "traditions", we seem to have settled on the notion that it is a sacrilege to make room for the ongoing evolution of said thing.

now, i do not want you to misunderstand what i mean in that criticism. it is incredibly important to acknowledge and document all sorts of things, if only for history's sake. however, the suggestion that we arrest any further changes to something—that came about as the result of a change—is... well... just a tiny bit insane. 

imagine if the first person who suggested the concept of illnesses being transmitted through "germs" got run out of town for failing to honor the "traditions" of witchcraft, demonic possession, and imbalanced bodily fluids that were believed to be the cause of every known disease. sheer madness!

and, yes, i fully recognize the inherent absurdity of me elevating this to the level of a pet peeve, but it really does bother me. and that, some may say, is the very nature of a pet peeve. i also cringe whenever someone pronounces "coupon" as kew-pon, but that one pretty much explains itself.

i was sharing this frustration over the "Fair Isle" debacle with my favorite animator, who gets to be on the front-line of my rants about wholly unimportant things. i got to the end, and i stood there... waiting for some kind of response.

him: so... what is Fair Isle again?
me: it's a style of stranded colorwork named for an island called "Fair Isle" in the Shetland isles, up in northern Scotland.
him: oh! i thought you were saying "feral". you know, like this...

at which point, he raised both hands like "claws" and started grimacing like a trapped, rabid raccoon.

and THAT is when i stopped watching.

7: how do you say "yummy"...

i had an IOU from my birthday last month for a seafood meal, then Croatia kicked Russia's butt and advanced to the semi-finals of the World Cup, so i decided to cash it in.

the original plan for the IOU was to get a small mountain of snow crab legs, and to sit around eating them with beer (for me, as he does not like alcohol of any kind) and much laughter shared between the two of us.

however, we are in the middle of lobsterfest in Montreal, so... when in Rome Montreal.

i was "professing" in the wilds of New England during the Bush (the second) recession, when the local lobster catchers were selling their goods for rock-bottom prices, and i offered them as much support as i could afford. this gave me the chance to try out different preparations, and i arrived at this one as my favorite treatment for a lobster.

get a couple live lobsters. you can tell them a story while you gather ingredients for the next step, but make it a short one, as it only takes a few minutes.

preheat the oven to 450 , and make sure it is completely pre-heated, because you want it to be super-hot when the lobsters go in.

while that is happening, grab some butter, white wine (or beer), a lemon (or two, depending on the size), a shallot (finely chopped), four or five cloves of garlic (crushed), salt, black pepper, smoked paprika, and a few sprigs of fresh parsley (finely chopped) from your balcony garden. okay... that last part is optional. use whatever fresh herbs you have on hand (i have used thyme, cilantro, or chives in the past... or no fresh herbs at all).

melt half a stick of butter in the microwave (or in a small saucepan), and add about half a cup of the wine to that, along with the juice of the lemon and the remaining ingredients. this may require a brief re-heating if the wine is cold. you end up with a mixture that looks like this. set that aside for a minute.

now, split the lobsters in half, beginning with a quick, sharp cut right between the eyes to dispatch them quickly, then continuing down to the tail. place them cut-side-up on a foil-lined baking dish.

note the claws were also cracked with the back of the knife to allow a bit of the butter mixture to trickle in.

give the butter mixture a stir, and spoon about half of it over the cut surfaces of the lobsters, and try to trickle a bit of it into the cracks on the claw.

place the baking tray into the oven, and do not open the door for about ten minutes, as you want it to stay incredibly hot around those lobsters.

i used that time to make a quick salad of mini cucumbers, orange peppers, Vidalia onions, and a pinch of fresh cilantro. the cilantro was also from my balcony garden. i tossed this with a light vinaigrette, and put it in the fridge until we were ready to eat.

at this point, give the butter sauce another deep stir, and spoon the rest of it over the lobsters. switch the oven to "broil" (or, place them directly under the broiler if that is how your oven works).

allow the lobsters to broil until charred specks begin to emerge. it should look something like this.

i melted an additional bit of butter, and mixed that with the pan drippings for a sauce that makes the customary accompaniment of clarified butter look absolutely pedestrian by comparison.

now, just serve the lobsters up along with the sauce, salad, and a beverage of your choice. he had a large glass of home-brewed iced tea, and... not gonna lie... i had the rest of that bottle of wine. it is a celebration, remember.

we love seafood of all kinds around here. however, he is not quite as patient as i am when it comes to those particular meals that require sitting around, picking tiny bits of meat from the nooks and crannies of lobsters, crabs, and the like, but he indulges me every once in a while.

mostly, we try to squeeze in some fish regularly, or we go for the occasional light meal of mussels.

we had that particular pan of mussels with a salad that included a block of feta cheese that had been lurking at the back of our fridge for many months. that stuff has a seriously impressive shelf-life. i took step-by-step photos of the salad-making process, but i will save that for another day... or not. it is a salad. you get the general idea.

the mussels and feta salad were supposed to be the focus, of today's post. but, Croatia won, and that needed celebrating. how do you say "yummy" in hrvatski?

him: since you get to cash in an IOU, can i cash one in too?

me: sure. what is it.

him: you promised to watch "Cat-Women of the Moon" with me.

me: i promised that like ten minutes ago. 

him: i know, but i want to watch it now.

me: okay.

so we did, and a good time was had by all. 

6: he's not crazy...

relief finally came at about four in the morning. it was brief, intense, and very much welcomed by all. i climbed out of bed, threw open the balcony door, and just stood there, savoring the spray. rain! 

i felt a familiar presence near my feet, and i reached down in the darkness to pick up the Little One. then we just stood there... watching it fall. rain!!!

one more brush against my leg, and Baby Bear (the "middle kitty" of the three) had stretched herself out by my feet, right up against the screen door. she too wanted to welcome the newcomer. rainnn!!!

and so we did.

it should be noted that i had to diffuse a growing conspiracy theory after i pulled today's topic out of the treasure chest, which—i was convinced for a short while— had the power to read my mind.

me: i really want to go to the fabric store, but it's too hot for any non-essential trips outside. i think i'll wait till tomorrow, when it cools down a bit.

that was yesterday.

what is the connection, you ask? well, i wanted to go to there for the express purpose of buying a roll of fusible interfacing (stuff you iron onto fabric to make it a bit stiffer) so that i can finally use up of the stack of fabric i plan to turn into bags for housing my various knitting projects.

here are all the bits of fabric, destined to become bags one of these days.

so, there i was this morning, lungs bursting with petrichor, face sprinkled with a healthy spray of sanity-restoring rain, when i came to the firm decision that i would definitely go to the fabric store today! then i shoved my hand into the treasure chest, and... well... you already know the rest. i am still not completely convinced that it really was a coincidence, but i will keep the "alternative explanations" to myself for now.

i honestly figured that his presence with me in such a setting would deter any unnecessary spending. i would get in, grab some interfacing, and we could kill a bit of time elsewhere, and maybe grab lunch before heading home.

boy... was i ever wrong.

worst part was, it was all him.

we took less than three steps inside the store before he was trying to convince me to buy the first thing he saw. a wooden basket with all sorts of compartments for storing sewing supplies.

me: i don't really sew enough to need something like that? why would i get it?
him: because it looks so cool.

at one point, he was lamenting that we are not into nautical themes in our home decor. he said this while gazing up at a display of drapery fabric featuring lots of shells and sea creatures. i just shook my head in wonder.

i made the mistake of suggesting that we should check out the bin that every fabric store on the planet has, where you can get great deals on the odd bits from the ends of the rolls (or the pieces that customerd changed their mind about buying after it was already cut from the roll). it is the perfect place to go diving for 'odds and ends' for making project bags.

i looked at a few pieces, and i was ready to resume looking for the interfacing... but he just kept digging deeper through the bin and adding stuff to my shopping basket. not only did he find a few great pieces for bags, but he also convinced me to buy a couple other pieces so that i can practice sewing knit fabrics (the kind that t-shirts and other "stretchy" garments are made from), as i have very little experience with such things.

he spent some time considering a display of large pieces of foam, and considering their usefulness in the noble art of puppet-making. yes... you heard me right.

i decided that i wanted a bit of black denim to mix with some of the patterned fabrics, and while i was walking away from finding that, he convinced me to get a bit of some cheery, colorful fabric to add to my bag-making stash.

then we got to the button aisle, and things went completely sideways.

he found a corner with a bunch of Disney buttons and such things, and he proceeded to "ooh" and "aah" over every single one of them. luckily the place was nearly empty, or i would have had to explain to curious passersby that "he's not crazy... he's an animator".  i may need to print that on a t-shirt.

he came across these chicken buttons, so now i own a cardi-worth of chicken buttons because he really liked the design. makes perfect sense.

i do not keep a lot of sewing supplies on hand these day, so i had to get some zippers and threads to mach the various fabrics. and, yes... he even enjoyed that part of things.

then... finally, we went to find the interfacing. and, as we were heading toward the register, he decided that he really wanted those perfect-for-puppets pieces of foam after all, so he ran back to get them. not sure why, but i sense that there is some puppet-making in my near future.

so, i will share the (planned) bag-making combos from the new pieces of fabric. this is also meant to serve as a note-to-self for after i shove all these pieces into the same drawer, and i find myself six months from now trying to remember what combos i intended for the whole lot.

this was the first piece of fabric that caught my eye. i wanted to emphasize the bright yellow with a matching zipper and thread, but i am considering using the black denim for the bottom of the bag, to pick up those small bits of black in the design. or i may just decide to skip the denim on this one.

there was very little of this floral fabric, so it will definitely be combined with the black denim. i cannot decide if i like this better  with the beige zipper and thread or with the black.

this was the colorful fabric he suggested. he also picked out the thread and zipper. i love this combo more than i can explain.

this is a heavy fabric of the type that is used for outdoor furniture, so it should make for a durable bag with either the antique gold or the black zipper. i might add a black denim bottom to this one too... if i have any of it left by that point.

these are two identical pieces of knit fabric, for practice sewing. i folded one to better show the print. i need to go hunting for more of this, because i want a set of big-kid pajamas made out of this stuff.

and a different practice knit fabric. this would be lovely as a skirt.

and, last, but certainly not least... three meters of the unremarkable fusible interfacing that started this whole field trip to the fabric store.

i could have just ordered the thing online, and skipped the trip, but then i would not have twice as many sewing projects to ignore. joy.

oh, and if you ever get a chance to spend your life with someone for whom "embracing your inner child" is both a career requirement and a "calling"... just take it! i guarantee you will never regret the experience.

5: process, not product...

there is a 'severe thunderstorm warning' in effect on account of a large cold front headed this way, if the forecast holds true, we should get some much-needed relief during the overnight hours. [full disclosure: i am rather fond of those "in action" radar maps on the weather site.]

this past week has been a really rough one for a lot of people. there are reports of more than thirty fatalities in the area since the onset of this heatwave, and there are ongoing reminders to check on older relatives and neighbors who will continue to be as risk even after the worst of the heat is gone.

most of the buildings in this city are a century (or more) old, so you will not find a whole lot of central cooling in homes. most people seem to do what we did: stick an AC in one room, and try to spend most of your time in that one space.

to that end, we moved all of the computer equipment out of the in-house studio, and closed up that space for the rest of the Summer. so, now it is "somewhat comfortable" in most of our apartment, just as long as you avoid any obviously ridiculous behavior (like standing around in the hot kitchen for half an hour (or more), engaged in the obsessive-compulsive chopping of equally-sizes bits of veggies to make a stir fry). 

which brings me to the topic of the day.

i have what can probably be classified as the most useless form of OCD in the entire history of the universe. were you to hear me describe the level of planning and careful preparation i go through to do the simplest things, you would expect me to be a total "neat freak", when the exact opposite is true. my OCD centers on how certain things are done, rather than the thing itself. 

i have an intense need to sort stuff into piles of "like items" before i can proceed with whatever i was doing. give a sane person a basket of laundry to fold, and they most likely would remove one item, fold it, then reach back in for another item. 

in my universe, i cannot even consider folding a single item until all of the laundry is done. i then sort all of it into the most-specific categories ever invented. 

t-shirts

tops with short sleeves that are not "quite" t-shirts

tank tops (ribbed)

tank tops (not ribbed)

tank tops with a shelf-bra

...and so on. 

and that is before i begin to fold a single thing. no joking, i made the decision to avoid racer-back tops, because i can never get them folded the way i like. and, yes, it goes without saying that everything has to be folded to the exact same size. madness!

it gets to be so very frustrating that it is usually easier not to bother at all. that is, until i have a minor breakdown and go into hyper-organizing mode for a day or two... after which no one is allowed to touch a single thing i just put away, lest they ruin my perfect system. 

honestly, it is far easier to leave the clothes in the basket (or on a pile on the chair in the corner), and just pull an item from it as needed. you would think such a thing would bother me, but it does not, not in the least bit. like i said, it is the process, not the product, that is the focus of my insanity. 

i have a bit of a headache coming on, so i am going to get something to eat and maybe get started on a new knitting project for self. stay cool whereever you are... unless it is Winter... in which case, stay warm. 

4: the plump became a gaggle...

i was attacked by a pigeon, and i am happy for the experience, as it removed some concern i was having that i might be losing my mind. let me paint you a picture, starting with the deepest, darkest part of the night.

my rocky relationship with sleep is one of the topics in the treasure chest, so i will get back to that in due time. suffice it to say, i decided to try something a little different for a change last night. that being, sleeping like a relatively normal human being in the actual night-time part of the night. and it worked! i was fast asleep shortly after midnight... and awake again by four AM. well, at least i tried.

our life here looks like a nature documentary some days. it is positively Attenborough-esque at moments. not only is there the ongoing clash of the species between us (mostly him) and the squirrels, but there was that time i called the cops to report a potential attempted breaking-and-entering (which turned out to be the work of a lunatic raccoon. then there was the bat that got trapped in our apartment, and the (many times) i had serious Hitchcock-inspired minor panic attacks while gazing out at a thousand (or so) crows at a time coming to a rest in the canopy of the big maple. it is funny now, but the feeling that Nature is out to get me seems to have multiplied since we moved up here.

so, there i was early this morning, sitting on my favorite sofa, laptop on the small table in front of me, taking the occasional sip from my large iced coffee, when i found myself suddenly overcome by the all too familiar "might be losing my mind" feeling.

it was a quick flash of motion, and the distinct shape of a large-ish bird dropping in rapidly from the sky and coming to a rest amidst my little balcony garden... which, by the way, is the randomly-selected topic of today's post. at least, it was... until the pigeon attack.

i went to the wall-of-glass (a.k.a., the ten foot wide double sliding glass doors), and i just stood there... looking. this is the view of the south end of the balcony from said position.

i craned my neck in every possibly position, yet there was... nothing.

so, i returned to my seat, thoroughly confused, and continued to stare in that general direction, wondering if i was "seeing things".

me: [to myself] maybe it was just an extra-large leaf from the extra-large tree?
myself: [responding to me] no, because it was the distinct silhouette of a bird's body. plus, you even stuck your head out the door to have a look, and there was nothing there that could have fallen from the sky.
me: [to myself] then, maybe you are finally losing what's left of your mind.

i was a bit offended, so we did not speak much after that point.

then a short while later, i grabbed my camera to take a few quick snaps for today's post before the sun got too high in the sky. i slid open the door, and the Little One came racing from a different room to go outside with me. she usually spends all of the daylight hours out there, but that door has been closed for most of the past week on account of the heatwave, so she welcomes any brief foray into that magical space.

i was especially eager to get a picture of the rosemary, as it was the same one we purchased last Summer, which we kept indoors during the cold months. i have been wanting to repot this thing since we first got it, but it seems to be completely at home in that tacky plastic strawberry pot.

i had a really rough Winter, and i could not muster any of the enthusiasm i usually experience in the early over-planning stage of garden season, so we opted to go with transplants for everything this year. however, i found a few nasturtium seeds leftover from last year, and i popped them into a grow-bag. so this is the only plant i can claim to have (technically) started 'from seed'.

i always include a cluster of these plants in any garden, as the shape of leaves makes me think of parasols for the tiny mythical creatures that inhabit green spaces... just do not tell anyone that i made such a statement. i have a reputation to uphold, and talk of garden sprites and other such things just might get me banned for life from the International Society for the Advancement of Curmudgeony.

there were also the tomato plants, which were doing great when we first planted them. then the pre-heatwave cold-spell hit, and they took a bit of damage, but they seem to be bouncing back. this variety is Sweet 100, which is a cherry tomato. it is usually highly-productive, and this one has put on a ton of new flowers in the past few days alone, so i am looking forward to many little tomatoes this Summer.

this one is Madame Marmande, which is a beefsteak variety that produces fruits up to ten ounces... each! this one is already almost the size of my palm. and the plant has developed lots of clusters of new buds in the last few days.

there is also a Grape Cluster tomato, which lives next to this lovely spray of Genovese basil. we squeezed some of this basil into a few pots, as i am a firm believer that 'it is not Summer without fresh pesto'.

there is also plenty of Thai basil to inspire all sorts of colorful culinary adventures. i found a small pot of it in the produce section of the supermarket, which i divided and planted in two different locations to ensure that there is plenty of it to go around. it was seeded very densely, so i will thin the plants gradually and use the thinned bits for cooking. there may be a beef with pineapple, sweet pepper, and thai basil stir fry on tomorrow's dinner menu.

the pepper plants took the worst damage during the late-Spring cold-spell, but i am keeping my fingers crossed that they will recover. still, barring another microburst or some similar insanity, this may just be the best season yet for the Balcony Garden Project.

i then turned my attention to the last few plants at the far end of the balcony. i wanted to take some photos of the sweet potato plants, especially to show the lovely vines they put out, which is why they tend to be such popular additions to large potted arrangements.

we had a couple sweet potatoes that were forgotten, and they eventually started to grow. it felt like such a waste to put them in the trash, so we buried one at either end of one of the troughs that are suspended from the balcony by means of some nifty iron braces his dad made for that purpose. if you ever come across a retiree with a garage full of building equipment, and an eagerness to put them to use at the slightest provocation... get as close to them as you possibly can without breaking any actual laws.

and, yes... we did wrap the top of the trough that contains the two sweet potatoes in a protective layer of chicken wire. i will give you one guess why. yep...squirrels.

which reminds me... where was i? oh, yes... the lunatic pigeon.

so, there i was... camera in one hand... delicate end of a sweet potato vine in the other... when the Little One brushed past my leg, headed in the direction of her favorite corner, behind the big container that houses one of the squash plants. [it also housed a couple cucumber plants... both of which died in the late-Spring cold spell. good times!]

the last two years' attempt at growing zucchinis ended in many blossoms (which were delicious), but no zukes, so we decided to give this variety of butternut squash a try, as it was labeled as being ideal for container gardening.

less than half a second later, there is this flurry of sound and action, and the cat that weighs all of about five pounds almost knocks me sideways in her haste to jump back inside.

i was not sure what was happening at this point, so i started to bend toward that corner to investigate (as that cat tends to be something of an over-energetic lunatic)... and that is when it happened!

it leapt out at me, feet first, wings flapping wildly, as though it intend to claw my eyes out while slapping me senseless at the same time.

now it should be noted that our balcony is not an especially large space. it is about ten feet by four feet. this is the South end (with a cat)...

... and the North end (with the same cat).

there is just enough room to squeeze through with a watering can, or for the cats to sprawl out and nap. it is a no-frills part of our home that is wholly dedicated to one express purpose... to house the Garden Balcony Project.

what it is not dedicated to is angry pigeons. and, while i recognize that i was not in any real danger—as i am fairly certain that i can take a pigeon in a fair fight—i was startled enough to scream and follow the cat in beating a hasty retreat back through the open door. that my camera did not end up in pieces down on the sidewalk is something of a miracle.

i attempted to take a photo of the hostile intruder, but it is near-impossible to convince a pigeon to stand still when (s)he is looking for a fight. just trust me... that is a pigeon, and it was engaging in extremely antisocial behavior. i guarantee you this bird does not get invited to a lot of parties.

still, this attack was not nearly as bad as that time a plump became a gaggle, and we had to run from a park to save our lives. true story.

he and i were sitting on a bench, admiring the pond in front of us, including the plump of geese floating on the water near the opposite edge. they were accompanied by a small raft of ducks who, we later learned, ran recon missions for the geese.

the ducks paddled across to where we were, studied us briefly, then paddled back across the pond to the geese... who then started paddling over in our direction... flanked by the ducks. we figured they would stop when they got to the edge, but they climbed out of the the water, and kept coming. that is when the plump (geese on water) became a gaggle (geese on land). and, when it was apparent that they were intent on an attack, well... that is when we picked up our stuff and ran. he had to go back to get the handbag that i had left behind on the park bench in my haste to escape with my life.

so, while this morning's attack by pigeon was not nearly as potentially dangerous as the ambush by geese (and ducks), it was definitely equally hilarious. i mean, i did get attacked by a lunatic pigeon, but as least i know i am not losing my mind.