equal parts humor and insanity...

i have been feeling like crap of late, truth be told. life is (unfortunately) like that some days, and i have learned to (try to) take those moments in their stride. this particular bout of crap had been going on for some time before we entered the test-run apocalypse, so now i am redoubling the efforts to keep myself sane distracted.

if you have been here before... it is pretty much more of the same.

isolation is the usual default setting for anyone at my advanced level of  social avoidance, so i did not anticipate that this current situation would leave me feeling genuinely stir-crazy. spoiler alert: it has. intensely. i look forward to getting back to a point where the decision to avoid other human beings is once again a matter of personal choice and not a medical recommendation.

apocalypse aside, life has been (relatively) unremarkable around these part. the Canadian people seem to excel at the art of going with the flow, so the city of Montreal ground to a halt with very little provocation. meanwhile, my favorite animator is busy treating the experience as a study in human behavior, and he has about a dozen scripts for everything from animated shorts to a series of feature-length films formulating in his head.

mostly, he is concerned about the potential disruption to his normal eating habits... like when i made the mistake of asking if there was anything in particular he wanted, as i was putting together a grocery order for home delivery.

him: did you get cheese?
me: we have some random cheeses in the the fridge, but i got a block of cheddar anyway.

he leaned back in his chair at this point, and cast a deep, contemplative gaze toward the ceiling.

him: hmm... i wonder what their Havarti selection is like.
me: what???
him: what? you know i like to make myself a platter with slices of Havarti and whatever veggies or fruit we have.

then i just broke out laughing in something that could be easily described as equal parts humor and insanity.

him: what? what did i say that's so funny?
me: i'm trying to buy groceries... in the middle of a pandemic... and you're wondering what the Havarti selection is like... so you can make platters with veggies and fruit??? and you wonder why i am in a constant state of panic when this is what i have looking out for me in a potential apocalypse. 

i got kicked out of the studio at this point, which—most would agree—made total sense.

and while it may seem like we are making light of this whole situation, that is definitely not the case. we understand the severity of the threat, and we are taking every possible step to reduce the risk to ourselves and to the people around us. with the exception of one trip to the market, we have been in self-imposed lockdown mode for the past two weeks or so. there is not much else we can do at this point.

oh, and we have also been eating lots of delicious food... like the awesome mac-and-cheese i made to snap me out of a bout of over-thinking that was bordering on becoming a full-blown panic attack.

if you squint a bit, you will see that i used farfalle (bow-tie pasta) as that was the only 'real pasta' we had on hand... other than some linguine, which i am saving for the next near panic attack. i also included a bit of sweet pepper, sweet onion, mushrooms, and a couple slices of bacon. life is better with bacon.

this took less than ten minutes of hands-on time to make. i set the pasta to boil in one pot, then i chopped the bacon and put it to saute in another pan along with the (also-chopped) veggies. i added a dash of flour and mixed that with the rendered bacon grease for a quick roux. in went some milk, and when the mixture started to thicken, i cut the heat and added a generous amount of cheese (mostly sharp white cheddar with a bit of parm and a small nub of yellow cheddar i found at the back of the cheese/egg bin). not gonna lie, i kinda wish we had a bit of Havarti on hand at that point.

full disclosure: i grated nothing. i gave all the cheese a rough chop on the cutting board, and i let the heat from the cream sauce do the rest. i tasted the mixture and adjusted the seasoning at this point. next came the pasta, and after a few quick mixes, i shoved the pan into a very hot oven, and waited until it was bubbling away and toasty along the top and edges.

it looks like chaos in a bowl, but it was incredibly delicious. mac-and-cheese is my ultimate comfort food, and i savored every bite (including the leftovers we had for lunch the next day).

it was a tasty distraction.
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i am adding a postscript to note that being at eye level with the canopy of a massive old maple, i was really looking forward to all those tiny buds bursting open, which it seems ready to do very soon.

there were even a few starlings that popped in for a visit a few days ago. if you squint a bit, you can see one of them among the branches. i know they are counted among the world's most invasive species—hence the use of words like scourge and affliction to describe a gathering of said birds—but i do not mind a small scourge, especially these days.

i mention all of that simply to point out that we were well on the way to something resembling Spring. until today.

and it is supposed to keep snowing through the evening... because Canada.