immersive apple experience: tasting...

it is a little before six in the morning, and i am sitting cross-legged on my favorite sofa, sipping coffee that has already gone cold, and occasionally glancing out at the solidly-overcast sky as it makes some minor effort toward lightening. it is cold, and grey, and the snow that has been covering the ground for the past week seems to be slowly melting and reforming into a slippery shell of ice under the influence of the lightly-falling freezing rain. luckily, neither one of us has any place that we need (or even want) to be today, as weather like this was invented for remaining indoors.

we got off to a late start with this year's immersive apple experience, that being the fevered-state in which you surround yourself with all things apple during the height of their Autumn harvest season. said activity was a bit delayed around here this year, as we were busy gorging on concord grapes (they call them Niagara grapes in these parts). i lost count of how many containers of the stuff we bought (and ate) over the course of about one month, but it was for a good cause... which i will talk about some other day. right now, it is all about the apples.

i should point out that this was not a planned thing. there we were, in the middle of the produce section of our go-to supermarket, when i remarked about the large assortment of apples they had on hand. before long, i found myself selecting a couple from each pile and adding them to my cart.

him: why do we need so many different types of apples?
me: so we can do a side-by-side tasting.
him: why?
me: why not?
him: okay.

it is really nice to have someone around who enables me if only by failing to talk me out of the nonsense that pops into my head most days. if i am inclined toward absurdity on my own, then he and i together are absurdity².

so i bought some apples.

it should be noted that this was not all the varieties they had on hand, as i skipped over about a half dozen types. some were varieties that i knew would be a bit too tart to make for a pleasant raw-eating experience—i.e., the "cooking" apples like the Granny Smith. then there were the varieties that were rejected simply for being a flavorless waste of space—yes, i am talking about you, Red Delicious. i should also point out that one of those varieties is also definitely not an apple. i sneaked a couple bartlett pears into the mix... because i can.

i selected two of each variety that made the cut. they are, clockwise from top-left: Bartlett (pear), Pink Lady, Gala, Macintosh, Honeycrisp, Ambrosia, Empire, and Golden Delicious. that last one was a concession on my part, as it has been a long time since i last had any kind of "delicious" apple, so i decided to give the franchise a chance at redemption. spoiler alert... it still sucks.

now, this is in no way meant to represent any sort of posh or little-known assortment of apples. for that one would have to travel to one of the lovely public markets scattered around Montreal, where you can usually find any obscure culinary tool or ingredient imaginable. this was the produce section of my local Provigo on a random evening, so most/all of these varieties should be relatively familiar offerings... unless the supermarkets near you only carry Red Delicious apples, in which case i strongly suggest that you move.

where was i? oh, yes... tasting apples.

i began by removing one of each type of apple (and a pear) from the board.

[random aside: i bought this cutting board a few years ago, but this is the very first time it has been put to any kind of food cutting use. it is a heavy hardwood board that was intended to be turned into a wool-blending board, but i never got around to buying the carding cloth (the part with all the sharp metal teeth) to add to the top, so it has been sitting in the kitchen with the firm understanding that it was not to be used by anyone for any reason, and it was immediately returned to "do not touch" status following the apple-tasting.]

i cut a wedge from each variety, and we tasted each one in no particular order—which is a challenge with my brand of OCD. oh, and i took notes—which is a requirement with my brand of OCD.

[another random aside: back in my university student days, i walked into most lectures with a large spiral-bound notebook filled with the neatest notes ever seen. it was a triumph of all my OCD tendencies. i also carried a notepad into each lecture. it was filled with some of the most illegible chicken-scratch ever seen. that was where i took each day's notes, which i would later transcribe into the OCD-notebook. that part had to happen within a day or two. if i waited longer than that, chances were that i would no longer be able to read my own scribbles. i mention this solely because i was looking at the photo of my notes from when we tasted the apples, and it took a while for me to decipher the last line under the 'golden del' section.]

him: what is "not hord fat"???
me: i thought it said "not horse fart".

pretty much. and that was only couple-few days later.

i will save you the trouble of reading my scribbles. the bluish comments are mine and the lime-green ones are his. i also highlighted each of our favorites using *** in those respective colors. it should be noted that the honeycrisp was a second-favorite for both of us, and everybody hates a "delicious" apple. seriously... why do they even grow the things?

Bartlett Pear	Pink Lady ***	Gala	Macintosh
it’s a pear	one of my fave eating apples. love the crunch and the taste	good when there is nothing better in the supermarket	love the taste. hate the texture
yep, it’s a pear	good crunch. too tart	good flavor. not mushy, not crisp, somewhere in between	mushy and a bit tart
Golden Delicious	Empire	Ambrosia ***	Honeycrisp
reminds me of why i hate “delicious” apples	too mushy for eating as is. like the tart taste	good crunch, but i miss the tart notes	another fave. not quite as flavorful as Pink Lady, but close
mushy. not flavorful	a bit tart. don’t mind the texture	this is a nice apple. crisp, not tart, sweet	good crunch. good sweet flavor

so, now i had a bunch of apples rolling around the counter, half of them missing a wedge. wait till you see what happens next! i will save that bit for next time around.

it is now a couple hours later than when i began writing this. the relentless spray of freezing rain continues to leave tiny tracks against the already-frosty window panes.

the city of Montreal lies somewhere beyond that icy patina, cold and damp and grey, and i feel a sudden disturbing urge to venture out on such an unpleasant day. this seems like a good time to refill my coffee cup and maybe have a second helping of an appley treat.